--cut here-- Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Path: netcom.com!kludge From: snipped-for-privacy@netcom.com (Scott Dorsey) Subject: ADVERTISEMENT: WORKPLACE PRODUCTIVITY AID Message-ID: Followup-To: talk.bizarre,misc.test,comp.lang.c++ Keywords: office, aid, productivity, bong, coffee Organization: Institute for Boatanchor Studies Date: Sun, 1 Dec 1996 14:25:52 GMT Lines: 65 Sender: snipped-for-privacy@netcom10.netcom.com
The "coffee break" is a long-standing office tradition, but one that is often not well received by management. But now, with the aid of modern technology you can take this formerly wasted time, and turn it into powerful productivity-enhancing time with the KAFEBONG.
Let's first examine the two major problems that are faced with coffee in the average workplace, and how each one of these difficulties are solved with the KAFEBONG. How many times have you seen any of the following take place in your office?
- Employees complain that the coffee is not fresh
With the KAFEBONG this will never happen. Steam is forced through a coffee filter, condensed, and delivered directly to the employee's mouth within seconds. It has no time to become stale.
- Employers complain that personnel waste time drinking coffee
With the KAFEBONG, a person can consume six cups of coffee in the space of ten seconds. Long coffee breaks are a thing of the past with the KAFEBONG, as employees are bright-eyed within an instant.
The KAFEBONG takes useless time and turns it into the most important time of the day. It has revolutionized many major corporations, inside and out. If you don't believe us, listen to some of our many satisfied users, both in labor and in management:
"Before the KAFEBONG, we had a lot of trouble getting line workers to show up at the beginning of the day. Now we have trouble getting them to go home! Some of the guys on the line normally work six or seven days straight." -- Jules Thomas, Owner, National Furniture Manufacturing
"Bong! Bongbong bong! Kafkaf! KAFEBONG wonderful! Wonderful wonderful wonderbong KAFEBONG!" -- Jim Stout, upholstery stapler, National Furniture Manufacturing
"With the KAFEBONG on-board, we can keep the pilot wide-eyed on any flight, even long transatlantic trips. In this way, we can eliminate the co-pilot and pass our savings on to the customer." -- Scott Case, CEO, JaluVet Airlines
"We certify that the KAFEBONG is... perfectly safe and... unlikely to produce any caffeine-induced psychosis... unless badly misused." -- American Medical Association
"We used to have real problems with teacher burnout when dealing with large classes of sixty to seventy hyperactive children, but now with the KAFEBONG our teacher retention rate is dramatically higher." -- Thomas Mellors, Principal, Timothy Leary Elementary
Now that you've heard what the KAFEBONG can do for your workplace, you know that you must order it. We're so confident that you'll be pleased with the system that we're extending this special offer: try the KAFEBONG for three weeks at our cost, and if you like it, pay us $250 down and $25 a month for the next four years. We know that once you start using the KAFEBONG, you'll find that you just can't work the same way without it. Work harder the easy way--- with the KAFEBONG