This ep begins with SLop stumbling through her front door clutching several blurry six packs of beers. BWAH!!! I missed most of the remaining intro because I had to regain my composure and start breathing again, but damn, she looks like a haggard hillbilly with her hair like that and wearing that poop-brown ensemble, and the glamour shot of the broccoli with sauce looks vomitous. Before we bop to the opening credits, SLop proclaims "Immagona chug a beer before we start cooking!". Whee!!! Looks like we're in for quite a ride today,folks!
SLop begins with beer bread for her beer fonDON'T. "Be sure to use a bread mix made with wheat", she tells us, adding "I mix my dough with a whisk [instead of a spoon] because it's faster" and then whines about how hard it is to get the dough out of afterward.
SLop proudly proclaims "I went to high school in college in WI" and how everyone there loves beer and cheese. Not in the way you do, SLop.
"Put in a quarter tablespoon of cayenne QUICKLY".
She adds some Worcester sauce to the fonDON'T and claims that if you've been drinking beer you can't say "Worcester" five times fast. You can't say it ONCE while allegedly sober, you moron! Wait, did she say it correctly?
Her way of determining how much liquid to use for poaching the fish: Put fish in pan, fill pan with water, remove fish, add a bottle of beer, old bay and TEN peppercorns (gotta be exact because they're strong), replace the fish, and squeeze in a lemon and simmer. Let's all sing the Hokey-Pokey Haddock!
You put the haddock in You take the haddock out You add a little beer and you stir it all about Squeeze a little lemon Let it simmer for awhile THAT'S what it's all a-bout!
She CUTS her broccoli into tiny flowerets but uses pre-chopped onion?
Sandie kept saying "This is the best beer-ricotta-chive sauce you have ever dreamed of." Sorry, but given a choice, I would never have dreamed of such a combination. Do they make ricotta cheese in WI? Anywho, that sauce looked vomitous.
"Today is all about beer, so you couldn't have an entire beer meal without a rootbeer float, could you?" Hunh? SLop then tells us she's going to make these root beer floats "with a TWIST!", and repeats she makes a "Very very root beer float with a LOT of twists".
"I'm going to add something savory". SAVORY? Pretzels? In a float?
SLop has difficulty scooping out the ice cream (apparenty her hot water trick didn't work), so she nukes it. SLop then shares her twelve-step pretezel coating technique with us. For Pete's sake, lady, you're only coating pretzels with melted chocolate chips!
Suddenly, SLop exclaims "OOOH! I think I entered '20 minutes' intead of '20 seconds'!!!!" and she rushes over to rescue the ice cream. BWAHAHAHA! Moron.
SLop pours the root beer and cream soda into the cup of ice cream and warns us to be "thoughtful" when pouring it, as it starts to overflow the cup. After a quick cut-away, she explains that she uses cream soda for a hint of vanilla flaovour, then dumps in some doctored vanilla cool whip for extra measure. As we bop out to commercial, SLop threatens us with a cocktail.
When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen that it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". Sandra announces she's going to make Beer Bloody Marys. Oh, bloody hell! She tells us to get ice from the freezer because you want them VERY cold. She grabs some V8 and two blurry bottles of beer and dumps them into a pitcher, making a loud "Whoot!" as it foams up over the top. She then explains that stirring with a wooden stick [sic] will dissolve the bubbles,and suddenly the foam is gone! She rub rims of the glasses with lemon, then puts some celary salt in bowl. She starts to pour the drink into the glasses and suddenly she's salting the empty glasses. She mumbles something about only wanting the ice in the pitcher to keep the drink cold but then adds ice from the sink to the glasses and the pitcher.
And now, the tablescape portion of our show: Beer coaster boookay (Several beer coasters glued to skewers)! Inverted serving trays with coasters glued to them! Buy all the unusual beer bottles in your supermarket and display them on your shelves! Take off the labels and use them as receipe gift cards for your guests!
Yeah, I think she's totally lost it...