... according to my sources, a man who might be the notorious J Murray Fefferman, aka Mr Vino, is reported in the 'Helsingborg Wine, Food, and Gardening exhibition'. The alleged mr Fefferman attracted attention by entering dressed in a Mickey Mouse mask. He also wanted reduced entry fee, claming to be 2 187 years old (give or take a few). When doubt was cast on this by the attendants, he called them 'meshuggeneh gonifs' and forced entry. A rumpus then broke out. The alleged mr Fefferman, being apparently confused, asked in one of the wine booths wether the presented Rosso di Montalcino would do his geraniums 'a powerful lot of good' but stole one of the tasting glasses and reappeared in the gardening section, where he demanded to taste one of the fertilizers. He proclaimed this to have a nice barnyardy nose, and on the palate to express good terroir (in fact, his words were 'ugh, dis smells like sh*t ... and it tastes like sh*t too![1]' When asked by one of the attendants wether, in fact, he were the notorious JMF, he answered 'dat is a vile `curracy' and made his getaway using a dromedary he found in the parking lot. He was last seen galloping down main street, shouting, 'Hi-ho, Silver, the lone winesalesman rides again'. This has caused much concern in the Helsingborg police force since, apparently, the dromedary was not named Silver at all. Suspicions have therefore arisen that JMF did not act alone but has an associate, possibly named Silver. A phantom picture of JMF has been drawn and sent out to the police offices not closed down by bad weather. Said a spokesperson for the police, 'We have good hopes of finding the perculator - very seldom do people wear Mickey Mouse masks in these parts of the world, so there will be no mistaking him'. It is suspected that the getaway dromedary already has been found, cunningly hidden in a group of horses where, however, the hump gave it away. Questioned by the police, the dromedary refused any comment, claiming to be a lady.
Cheers
Nils Gustaf
[1] The fertiliser booth attendant, Mr Loof Lipra, expressed admiration on the way JMF managed to pronounce the '*'.