Woke up this morning found this in de (sorry - the) email...
Cheers! Martin
> Subject: Da Blues
> >
> > If you are new to Blues music, or like it but never
> > really understood the why and wherefores, here are
> > some very fundamental rules:
> >
> > 1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."
> >
> > 2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the
> > Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next
> > line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face
> > in town."
> >
> > 3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line
> > right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes -
> > sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in
> > town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in
> > town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh
> > 500 pound."
> >
> > 4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a
> > ditch, you stuck in a ditch...ain't no way out.
> >
> > 5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and
> > broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos,
> > BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues
> > transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound
> > train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools
> > ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part
> > in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
> >
> > 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin'
> > to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues,
> > "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric
> > chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
> >
> > 7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in
> > Hawaii or anywhere in Canada. Hard times in
> > Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical
> > depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis,
> > and Nawlins are still the best places to have the
> > Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that
> > don't get rain.
> >
> > 8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues.
> > A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your
> > leg 'cause you were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking
> > your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.
> >
> > 9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping
> > mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking
> > lot or sit by the dumpster.
> >
> > 10. Good places for the Blues (a) highway (b)
> > jailhouse (c) empty bed (d) bottom of a whiskey glass.
> >
> > 11. Bad places for the Blues (a) Nordstrom's (b)
> > gallery openings (c) Ivy League institutions (d)
> > golf courses.
> >
> > 12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a
> > suit, 'less you happen to be an old person, and you
> > slept in it.
> >
> > 13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
> > Yes, if: (a) you're older than dirt (b) you're blind
> > (c) you shot a man in Memphis (d) you can't be
> > satisfied
> > No, if: (a) you have all your teeth (b) you once
> > were blind but now can see (c) the man in Memphis
> > lived (d) you have a 401K or trust fund
> >
> > 14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of
> > bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny
> > Liston could have. Ugly white people also got a leg
> > up on the Blues.
> >
> > 15. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you
> > gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues
> > beverages are: (a) cheap wine (b) whiskey or bourbon
> > (c) muddy water (d) black coffee
> > The following are NOT Blues beverages: (a) Perrier
> > (b) Chardonnay (c) Snapple (d) Slim Fast
> >
> > 16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun
> > shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a
> > jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the
> > electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a
> > broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you
> > die during a tennis match or while getting
> > liposuction.
> >
> > 17. Some Blues names for women: (a) Sadie (b) Big
> > Mama (c) Bessie (d) Fat River Dumpling.
> >
> > 18. Some Blues names for men: (a) Joe (b) Willie (c)
> > Little Willie (d) Big Willie.
> >
> > 19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer,
> > Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how
> > many men they shoot in Memphis.
> >
> > 20. Blues Name Starter Kit: (a) name of physical
> > infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) (b) first name
> > (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Peach,
> > etc.) (c) last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson,
> > Fillmore, etc.) For example: Blind Lemon Jefferson,
> > Pegleg Lime Johnson or Cripple Peach Fillmore, etc.
> >
> > 21. I don't care how tragic your life is: if you own
> > a computer, you cannot sing the blues, period. Sorry
> >